Ambivalence
by reeduspuppylover
Summary: That jerk, that bastard, he opened the barn and killed her family. That poor excuse for a man…Shane Walsh. Those were the thoughts that consumed Beth's mind two weeks ago, but today is different. He is different. Shane had a way of making her feel angry and happy at the same time. Full of hate, yet full of love. How did she get to this point...ambivalence. Beth and Shane! :)


Ambivalence

**A/N: Hey! OMG this is like an entirely new concept for me…but when I first saw it...I thought about it …and BAM! I LOVED IT! What am I talking about you ask? …Well Sheth of course…or is it Bane…whatever it's amazing! Shane and Beth…who would've thought right?**

**Oh yea… I'm also a big Meth shipper…that's Merle and Beth (if you didn't already know)… not the drug…although reading fanfics about them is rather addicting! Anyway please don't be mad about this "unheard of coupling" …just give it a chance!**

**The only couples that I would never like are Daryl with Andrea (UGH NEVER!) and Daryl with Michonne (too much bad-assery for me!). I only like Daryl with Carol…or myself ;)**

**Well I really hope you like it…I had to get away from my other story 'To Care' for a while, not many people have been giving me feedback so I'm kinda down in the dumps a bit…**

**But enough about my issues lol …please enjoy this one shot, or chapter, or whatever and also afterwards PLEASE REVIEW! I need the feedback please! lol …but for now enjoy!**

Ambivalence: simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (as attraction or repulsion) toward an object, person, or action (ambivalence which is expressed in behavior by alternating obedience and rebellion)

Beth melted into the kiss, she felt so guilty, and she was, but she couldn't help it… he was so handsome and manly, muscular and tough, yet sweet and sexy. And the way he made her feel! UGH! She couldn't help but dissolve in his arms. He made her blush, giggle, and feel beautiful, yet dirty and sexy, and she wasn't so sure that she minded it, in fact, she loved it. This was their first kiss, but it felt like so much more to her. It was thrilling, exciting, and everything she needed to get her mind off her recently dead (again) mother and brother, the end of the world, her father having a drinking issue, the death of Otis, and her obnoxiously in love sister.

This connection that she'd had with Shane only started two weeks ago, yet it felt like they'd been together for months…

*Two Weeks Earlier*

Yesterday had been, well, not one of her best to say the least. She'd tried to kill herself after watching her family, her mother and brother more specifically, limp out of the barn and immediately get shot by people she barely knew herself. That jerk, that bastard, he opened the barn and killed her family. That poor excuse for a man…Shane.

Beth hated him; she couldn't get over the fact that he murdered Momma and Shawn, and quite mercilessly and cold-heartedly at that!

She prayed for God to help her, help her to not hate his guts, like she presently did.

"Sweetie, if…if I'd known I…I wouldn't of…I ain't tryna be a dick, I…I'm sorry!" He whispered across the table.

Shane couldn't seem to find the right words to say to this girl. When she looked up at him with those big blue puppy dog eyes he couldn't help but be at a loss for words. He was truly sorry, not that he did it, not that he opened the barn, but sorry that this sweet, and innocent teenage girl had to see it.

He could just tell by looking at her that she was delicate and tender-hearted, yet somewhere deep down she had a fire blazing, and he was lucky enough to see and feel a few embers of the inferno as she slapped him hard across the face and got up from her seat at the dinner table. She didn't forget to say excuse me as she stormed off, and everyone heard her too, as silence engulfed the room and all eyes went to her at the abrupt smack.

Maggie and Jimmy concurrently stood to go after the irate girl, but Hershel quickly stopped them.

"How 'bout we let the man who caused this handle it… Shane?" Hershel knew that Beth would never be able to deal with the issue with Shane if no one let the two of them talk it out together.

He had decided to let Shane back into the house, deciding that although the man's mistakes were certainly not forgotten and hardly forgiven, he could see the hurt in the man's eyes, for a reason he did not know, but yet Hershel felt the need to let him in again, the man was having trouble just like everybody else, but his was a bit different…and Hershel could see that quite clearly. He just wanted to keep everyone safe, yet Hershel knew he killed Otis while trying to do so. Hershel figured that maybe if things calmed down a bit, so would Shane, he was still a good man…deep down.

He looked to Shane and raised his eyebrows then flicked his head towards the direction Beth left.

Everyone's eyes followed Shane out the door, while he rubbed his cheek that which had a pale handprint across it as well. Maggie exchanged looks with Jimmy, then Glenn, and then sat back down.

Hershel took another bite of his carrots, him being the only one who didn't watch Shane out the door. He swallowed his food then looked up at Rick. "Rick, you were saying?"

….

Shane found Beth sitting on the porch with her legs pulled up under her, wiping at a few stray tears.

Shane sat down next to her, sitting on the ground while she sat higher in the rocking chair; he put his head back, leaning on the house.

A few minutes passed on that seemed like hours as the two sat looking up at the glowing crescent moon. "So how you wanna do this?" he finally said.

"What?" Beth was genuinely confused as she looked down at him and suddenly realized how handsome he looked in the moonlight.

"Ya wanna slap me some more, or will ya let me apologize then maybe forgive me…" This was Shane's way about things, well most things, try to get a laugh out of it, or make a scene of it, there was really no grey area with Shane. "Er at least ya can stop givin' me them evil glares ya pretty damn good at." He finished, surprisingly getting a giggle from her.

Beth was shocked, how could she have just laughed at his joke so easily when a few minutes ago she was praying to God that He'd not only give her the strength to not hate Shane, but by now, to not just right out kill him. Yet now she laughed at his stupid unfunny jokes. She felt pathetic, weak, the minute a cute guy says somethin' nice ta ya, ya drop everythin', come on!

Beth mentally scolded herself while Shane sat next to her trying to figure her out. Women were crazy and emotional, and teenage girls were worse, so he was trying to prepare himself for anything, even another slap if that meant she'd forgive him.

"My daddy sent ya out 'ere?" She more of stated rather than asked, she already knew the answer.

"Yea…said ta let the man who caused it handle it…so I got my ass up and here I am." Shane said humorously.

Beth just snorted and rolled her eyes, "…here you are…"

Shane looked up at her and tilted his head forward giving her his best charming smile that worked on every woman he'd met, even his own momma, and Beth nearly blushed.

"So… ya never answered ma question…" Shane spoke through his flirtatious smile.

"Well… I would but… ya know... you're not even sorry!" Beth concluded.

"What! Umm… if ya don't recall, I jus' told ya I'm sorry as hell for everything!" he exclaimed. He couldn't believe that after they just laughed and dare he think, flirt, she still didn't forgive him.

"I know ya said you're sorry, but… that was my family in that barn!" Beth paused, taking a breath as more tears threatened to pour from her blue eyes. "That was my momma and my brother, they may have already been dead, but!... but … DAMMIT that was half my family, my hope, and you killed them, includin' my hope for this world."

Beth's voice got quieter and quieter as she said that, she couldn't hold it in any longer, so she cried as well.

When she talked of her family and hope, he felt like even more of an asshole. It may have been coming, and they would eventually have had to face it, but it was none of his concern or right of him to have made that choice for them, even if he meant well.

Shane looked up at Beth again, he felt guilty for admitting it to himself, and surely Hershel, Maggie, Jimmy, and everyone else would hate him even more if they heard his thoughts now, but she looked so damn beautiful right then. Her blonde hair was in a side pony tail draping over her shoulder. She looked up at the moon and stars and her eyes sparkled and he thought she might fly away and back to heaven, because shit if she didn't look like an angel right then.

Then she started crying.

Her cries were silent, but her deep and sharp breaths were what really made his chest hurt.

Shane quickly crawled over and kneeled in front of her.

Beth was desperately trying to wipe her tears but then gave up and stuck to watching them as they fell from her eyes and into her lap, being absorbed by her cotton pant leg.

Shane didn't know what else to do. So he quickly cupped Beth's face in his hands and spoke whatever words he could think of. "Hey…"

She looked up at him then, still sniffling, with tears running down he cheeks.

He continued, "I don't want you cryin'… ya hear me?"

She nodded in his palms.

"Now… I know I had no right ta put ya'll through that, and I can admit that I've made some shitty choices, especially recently, but sweetheart, ya gotta know, I didn't mean for any a that ta happen, 'specially to a sweet girl like you… I'll tell ya a secret, that okay?"

Beth gave him a weary smile and nodded, him then taking his hands off her face and instead holding onto her hands.

"I'm scared too…ya hear me…that day with the barn, I was so scared I couldn't take it any longer, so I…I…I messed up. I made a mistake… and I'm sorry." Shane paused a moment just staring into Beth's eyes, then continued. "Ya need ta still have hope 'cuz, ya got others dependin' on ya to have it… Ya got your sister here, and ya got Hershel, your dad, ya got Jimmy, Patricia, and it may not help much, but uh… ya got me too." Shane concluded.

Beth was in shock as Shane leaned down and kissed her on the head then left. That man, Shane Walsh, he was different, he was special, she thought to herself.

*The Present*

As Beth pulled away from the kiss, Shane looked at her questioningly.

"I can't… we can't…what about Jimmy…?" Beth felt horrible, ya don't just dump a guy in a world like this, it's just not that easy, nothing's easy anymore.

"Well I ain't gonna make ya choose if that's what you're sayin'. Beth I do care 'bout ya, I care 'bout ya so much, but if you're regrettin' it after one kiss…I…I don't know if we should start this…and I've been with too many other women… ya deserve a man better'n me…" Beth interrupted him then.

"I don't regret it! I know you've been with other women…I'm not surprised, no offense, but I don't care about your past…all I care about is the Shane I know right now!" Beth paused remembering to lower her voice as they talked behind the chicken coop. "I guess I just… I need time…to figure out what I want, I mean I do wanna be with you…but I don't know what Daddy'd say and it's kinda hard ta dump someone with the world like it is an all…"

Shane smiled down at her, that flirtatious smile again, then scooped her up in a hug and Beth felt like she could stay in his arms forever, or at least until someone found them.

Shane whispered in her ear, "Whatever you decide ta do, I'll still be here for ya, no matter what, even if I can't be with you."

They smiled at each other, then started walking back to the house for dinner; the sun was starting to set.

**A/N: Peeps! What's up?! What do ya think so far? I'm kind of unsure where to take this next… I mean, because we all know what happens with the farm next (it gets overrun and Shane dies) so where do you think I should go? Thoughts? Because if at all possible, I'd like to keep our little boy toy Shane here, ALIVE!**

**This little story was fun, I guess I'll have to put in a couple more parts (even though it was meant to just be a one-shot at first), please review so I can have motivation to continue…if you want me to continue! Basia **


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